Entry: trailing in dust Monday, December 08, 2003

ok.  i feel somewhat left out, like i dont matter at all.  not that i should, i got plenty of compliments last night for my performance, more than usual.  but as i was walking out, it hit me.  i was the only one out of my entire cast that didnt get a rose.  even the characters without speaking lines got one.  why?  i dont know.  maybe i should just let it go, because this is what always happens.  but just once, i would like to get a flower for my performance.  this is my senior year, my last year for drama.  in 4 years, and 12 plays, i have not once gotten a rose.  one more play left, this spring.  three performances, three chances.  lets see if my odds improve, though they are far less than likely to. 
on a different note, it seems that if i wouldnt have showed up in maggies life, she would not have fought with ramon and she would not be so crushed.  i support her for who she is, but i also want her for myself at the same time.  one of those childish things, i guess.  regardless of whether it includes me or not, i want her to be happy more than anything.  i will always be here for her, just a phone call away, which is still too far.  she can call me anytime she wants, even if it is 4 in the morning.  i will stop the world from turning for her.  no matter what it takes.  unconditionally.


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