ok. i feel somewhat left out, like i dont matter at all. not that i should, i got plenty of compliments last night for my performance, more than usual. but as i was walking out, it hit me. i was the only one out of my entire cast that didnt get a rose. even the characters without speaking lines got one. why? i dont know. maybe i should just let it go, because this is what always happens. but just once, i would like to get a flower for my performance. this is my senior year, my last year for drama. in 4 years, and 12 plays, i have not once gotten a rose. one more play left, this spring. three performances, three chances. lets see if my odds improve, though they are far less than likely to.
on a different note, it seems that if i wouldnt have showed up in maggies life, she would not have fought with ramon and she would not be so crushed. i support her for who she is, but i also want her for myself at the same time. one of those childish things, i guess. regardless of whether it includes me or not, i want her to be happy more than anything. i will always be here for her, just a phone call away, which is still too far. she can call me anytime she wants, even if it is 4 in the morning. i will stop the world from turning for her. no matter what it takes. unconditionally.